My daughter has no idea what the word “confidence” means. At 7 months, she actually doesn’t know what any words mean yet, but she will. She will learn this word just as swiftly and effortlessly as she will discover words like “insecurity,” “envy,” and “disappointment.” We learn the meaning of these words early, don’t we? We live in an age where women, especially, want to be more of this and have less of that. When do we stop and say, “I am enough?” It’s incredible, the things that stay with us, and the reasons why they hinge themselves to our memory, relentless in letting go. This would be a great time to tell you a story where someone hurt my feelings and how it helped me restore confidence in myself in some profound, revealing way later in life, but that isn’t the one I’m about to share.
I remember being 6 years old and making a girl cry all because she wore a t-shirt with a famous woman on it and said they were related. I called her a liar. The truth is that she was, in fact, related to this person, but the truth is irrelevant here. I thought it was funny how I could unravel her. This shameful type of event happened one or two more times in grade school over subjects like the Spice Girls or using mirrors, and then I eventually didn’t see her again until several years later. As a freshman in college, we were ironically in the same tedious course where she ended up taking notes for me while I was out sick for nearly a week. I was speechless. She was the reason I even passed the class, and I didn’t deserve a fragment of help from her. I would have settled for whatever scraps that she was willing to throw me, if anything. I was humbled by her generosity towards me. She was admirable in her character and confident in herself, her reasons behind her actions and her capabilities as a student. She exemplified Hebrews 4:16, “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need,” and I will never forget it.
I think about how and why my views are generated, tested and determined, and I wonder how I will ever teach it all to my daughter. 2 Corinthians 3:4-5 says, “Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.” How will I teach her how important it is to be confident in not only herself, but in Christ? How to have compassion for people around her because her actions may resonate loudly to someone else? How to destroy insecurity for the sake of respecting her self-worth? How to negate the troubling voices of doubt so she can delight in all of God’s grace? Psalm 27: 1,3 says, “The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid? … though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.” I want her to be strong and unshaken and to love with an unbridled and unburdened heart. I want her to defend who she is and remain unmoved in her convictions.
Recently, a girl I had not seen in over 15 years since grade school found me on Facebook. In her opening message to me, she wrote, “Hey, I never did thank you for teaching me how to tie my shoes. So thank you.” I was baffled at her memory of such a distant event. When I thought of her, I remembered how hopeful and positive she always seemed. She was confident in exactly who she was and confident in her encouragement to me as well. It’s incredible, the things that stay with us, and it meant the world to me that something I helped give her confidence with had stayed with her. We never fully know or determine the outcomes of our choices or effects of our actions. If I could go back to being a 6-year-old on a playground, I would’ve done more building than breaking. I hope today you can encourage someone in their struggle for confidence and send a signal of support their way.
Blue Withens 